I think the boy is about 8 years old. I see him from time to time in the coffee shop with his mom. At that age, that would have been a really fun activity for me - to get to spend some grown up time with Mom, probably drink a hot chocolate, and not have to be around my brothers for a couple of hours. Well, it doesn't look that way for this boy. I don't see a drink for him. He always has a paper in front of him - it looks like school work, no matter what time of day it is. Sometimes I see them there during school hours. Is he home schooled and this is where they do their work some days? It doesn't seem like it.
I don't think I've ever seen the mom say a kind, patient, or loving word to him. It's not that she's particularly mean to him, but it seems that she doesn't understand him or is trying too hard to put him into a box with a label on it based on just a few of his behaviors. I think I overheard her talking on the phone one time about him and how he just wouldn't concentrate on one thing for very long. Now granted, she lives with the boy and I've only observed him for a couple hours at a time, at the most. And that hasn't been serious observation, but being looking around when I'm supposed to be getting my work done. Everything I heard her saying, though, sounded like she was trying to shove him into a box labeled "A.D.D." Watching the boy, I would label him "BOY." He's 8, for crying out loud. Do any 8-year-olds concentrate for very long on anything? I don't have a lot of experience with kids, but I think the answer is no.
She just looks fed up with him. It makes me sad.
Today there was another mom and another kid sitting at the table with them. The moms smiled when they talked to each other, but were so stern with the kids. Very impatient. Very sarcastic and cynical.
Seeing things like this makes me stop and think. What will I be like as a parent. Will I have a good balance of patience and discipline? Will I be too far one way or the other? Will I remember these thoughts I've had as I've watched this mother and child and use them to make myself a better parent?
I sure hope so.
The saddest thing is that I don't think I've ever seen him smile. He's too young not to have anything to smile about.
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2 comments:
Buy him a hot chocolate, then he'll smile.
Before I had children I had "I will always"s and "I will never"s. It is different being a parent. I see a different perspective now. The biggest thing is not getting too wrapped up in one thing (could be anything, discipline, work, cleaning,...) because then all the emphasis is put on that and there is no room for other things (like smiling when they do something silly when you really wanted them to sit still). I grew up with all sisters and a dad that doesn't act playful and silly like boys can be, so when I got married to a man that is a "boy" (has fun, smile, wrestles...) I had a rude awakening. Because he was doing things out of my comfortable box. The best book I read we "Bringing Up Boys" by James Dobson. Now I really understand boys and my husband. That mom doesn't sound like she understands boys, and if he sits there longer then 5 minutes w/o jumping off a chair, or mixing the salt and pepper, I'd say he is a pretty well behaved boy.
Oh boys! Now that I am teaching 4th grade I seems to have a growing understanding of boys! 6th graders have moved on to be young men (to some extent they are always boys, though) - but my 4th grade boys are just that BOYS!!! It always surprises me when their fine motor skills fail them...and I say...oh yeah! They are 10! -S
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